My Stupid Dog and His Interesting Diet

So lately my idiot doggie Wrapps has been doing something new … After I have spent a fair 20 minutes making my breakfast, like the other day; a toast with guacamole and scrambled eggs, he all of a sudden barks. Not one of those smaller barks, oh no, but a full on *BORK!* out of literally nowhere. And he times it perfectly too; just as I am about to take the first bite of my breakfast he’ll bark super loud, scaring the bejesus outta me. This of course makes me drop my food on the floor, and well, let just say it is no longer my breakfast by then …

When you have a dog the 5-second rule does not apply … There is no possible way that the food will even stay on the floor for such a long time. As soon as it touches the floor it will be gone. Wrapps is like a vacuum cleaner, constantly snooping around in the kitchen for scraps he can eat. And if there is no longer any crumbs that he can vacuum up his big nostrils, he’ll start to try and “trick” you into giving him your food ... He’ll start doing tricks by himself, expecting to get a share of what you’re eating. For example, he’ll just sit there with his paw in the air doing the “high five”, expecting to get a treat since he has been a “good boy” …

That dog will eat anything from moths to soap and lotion ... After I shower I always put lotion on, but I don’t really see why I even bother cuz it’s going to be replaced by slimy dog saliva in no time ... He will straight up lick it of my skin because it smells good. One time he even managed to eat half a bottle of shower gel before he got busted. He had made a complete mess in the bathroom after chewing up the packaging, but at least his breath smelled like roses! (The same however could not be said for the runny poo that he got after eating that shower gel …) And shampoo!! He eats shampoo as well! Whenever I shower him he’ll try to eat the shampoo from the bottle first, and if I put it on the shelf he will just lick it out of his fur instead. (I bet that is why he’s a bit weird; the chemicals from the shampoo has probably gone to his brain …)

Speaking of weird things to eat; every time I pick up his poo and he hears the crinkle of the doogie-bag, he thinks it is his treats.

Or at least I hope that is the case … There is a slight possibility that he does want to eat the actual poo and not mistaking the poopy bag for treats … You can never know with this one … Eating poo is on his top 5 favorite things to do, right next to sticking his cold wet nose on bare skin when he wants attention. He is such a weirdo …

Love, Amelié