Yes I study nursing, and no, I do not want to look at something …

As a nurse student you have clinical practice as well as classes and exams at the university, and my first clinical practice was at the labour ward at our local hospital. My dad said that working at the labour ward would have to be the best contraception in the entire world; carrying babies that were screaming at a frequency that only dogs should be able to hear, changing one poopy diaper after the other, not to mention getting peed, drooled, puked and pooped on … But just like our teachers predicted it had quite the opposite effect …

My second clinical practice as a first year student was at a nursing home, and let me just say that it was quit a transition from working at the labour ward… 

It was during this clinical practice that reality hit me, and I really got to see what is meant to be a nurse; always having a full bladder because there is no time for you to go to the bathroom, always drinking your coffee cold, forgetting where you parked your car because you are that tired after your shift, and on most days you have at least two different types of body fluids on your uniform (none of which are actually yours) …

But of course there are some benefits as well when you study nursing; since you have seen stuff that would traumatize most people for life, there is absolutely nothing that disgusts you anymore. This means that you can now enjoy you favorite medical TV-shows while you eat, and you can also use this to get a table at your university’s waaay too small cafeteria; just simply discuss the consistency and odor of body fluids loudly with your classmates, and voilá, you have now managed to scare all the lawyer and engineer students away in disgust from a table!

Love, Amelié

My Stupid Dog and His Interesting Diet

So lately my idiot doggie Wrapps has been doing something new … After I have spent a fair 20 minutes making my breakfast, like the other day; a toast with guacamole and scrambled eggs, he all of a sudden barks. Not one of those smaller barks, oh no, but a full on *BORK!* out of literally nowhere. And he times it perfectly too; just as I am about to take the first bite of my breakfast he’ll bark super loud, scaring the bejesus outta me. This of course makes me drop my food on the floor, and well, let just say it is no longer my breakfast by then …

When you have a dog the 5-second rule does not apply … There is no possible way that the food will even stay on the floor for such a long time. As soon as it touches the floor it will be gone. Wrapps is like a vacuum cleaner, constantly snooping around in the kitchen for scraps he can eat. And if there is no longer any crumbs that he can vacuum up his big nostrils, he’ll start to try and “trick” you into giving him your food ... He’ll start doing tricks by himself, expecting to get a share of what you’re eating. For example, he’ll just sit there with his paw in the air doing the “high five”, expecting to get a treat since he has been a “good boy” …

That dog will eat anything from moths to soap and lotion ... After I shower I always put lotion on, but I don’t really see why I even bother cuz it’s going to be replaced by slimy dog saliva in no time ... He will straight up lick it of my skin because it smells good. One time he even managed to eat half a bottle of shower gel before he got busted. He had made a complete mess in the bathroom after chewing up the packaging, but at least his breath smelled like roses! (The same however could not be said for the runny poo that he got after eating that shower gel …) And shampoo!! He eats shampoo as well! Whenever I shower him he’ll try to eat the shampoo from the bottle first, and if I put it on the shelf he will just lick it out of his fur instead. (I bet that is why he’s a bit weird; the chemicals from the shampoo has probably gone to his brain …)

Speaking of weird things to eat; every time I pick up his poo and he hears the crinkle of the doogie-bag, he thinks it is his treats.

Or at least I hope that is the case … There is a slight possibility that he does want to eat the actual poo and not mistaking the poopy bag for treats … You can never know with this one … Eating poo is on his top 5 favorite things to do, right next to sticking his cold wet nose on bare skin when he wants attention. He is such a weirdo …

Love, Amelié

Going “cray-cray” on vacay!

So, not too long ago I went to Spain for a week with my bestie, and I thought I would tell you guys about the whole experience:

I am the kind of person that packs my suitcase neatly at least a couple of weeks before I go somewhere, and I have to be at the airport super early to avoid being turned into a blob of stress … It's kind of our family curse, and it gets me every time I travel.

The absolute most important criteria for us when we booked the hotel were the age limits. We wanted to have a quiet and relaxing vacation after a long and stressful year, and well, when you have a hotel full of kids running around like headless chickens screaming bloody murder all the time it doesn’t exactly recharge your batteries …

So then we ended up in a hotel with mainly old German people. Sounds nice right? No kids screaming by the pool, just old people who read books the entire day and goes to bed early. But oooh boy did it come with a major drawback! You see, the thing about old people is that they do not give a poo about anything … And then I mean literally anything! I think I got blind at least seven times per day because of all the old men in way to small speedos, that one old topless woman with her raisin buns out, tomato-red men beginning to peel because they were to “manly” for sunscreen, and their wives actually ripping off flakes of dead skin form their hairy bodies … At least I had a lot of time to consider what my guide dog was going to be called …

When we went to Greece the year before that we at least had a little more people our age staying at the hotel, but during that vacation it was me and my bff who had the roles of old grannies:

When we came back from dinner and some “late” night shopping every night, we would meet hoards of people going out. Their night had just started as we were heading back to the hotel to go to bed. Absolutely all the other people within our age group were out partying, drinking, dancing and who knows what else, and then there was me and my friend …

We got to bed early, got annoyed if we heard beer cans being opened and people talking a little too loud outside, we got up early and ate breakfast together with the rest of the oldies, and when the “youngsters” finally came out hung-over as f at like one o’clock we went inside to take a nap … We didn’t exactly go “cray cray” during our vacation!

Love, Amelié